Nicotine Fit

I miss smoking. I only gave it up 7 days ago and I miss it. There is a gaping hole in my life. I used to have set routines. I knew that when I woke up, I was going drink coffee and suck down a Marlboro. I knew that when I transferred from one highway to the next in the morning, I was going to light a cigarette. I knew what stoplight to light my last one to finish before I pulled into the parking lot at work. ---Believe me, I could go on.

Now, I know that quitting is a great thing. Smoking is a terrible, dirty, unhealthy habit. It will kill me one way or another eventually. People look down on people who smoke. "The Surgeon General says . . . blah, blah, blah."

Guess what, I don't care!!!!! I love smoking. I like the feeling as I inhale with the smoke going down the back of my throat. I like exhaling a cloud of smoke. I like having something to do with my hands, namely hold the cigarette. I know that it will kill me. My 'code' for a cigarette was, "Let's go shorten our life by 7 minutes." I used to joke (after my umpteenth failure to quit) that I quit being a quitter. My friends actually applauded.

I met some of my best friends in designated smoking areas. Smoking is exceedingly social. Why else would you stand outside in subfreezing weather talking to someone you don't know if there wasn't a cigarette involved? I know that I damn sure wouldn't.

Okay, obviously I could go on with why I love to smoke but this isn't helping at the moment. I thought blogging through the craving would make it go away but maybe I should have chose a topic that didn't involve cigarettes.

When will it end?

In the name of all that is holy, when will this torment end? Okay, so I've been saying for a long time now that I was going to quit smoking. First it was going to be over summer break 1L year, then Christmas 2L year, then summer, then Christmas then after graduation, (Yeah right, like I was going to quit while studying for the bar. What a joke!) then after the bar, then after I got a job, then after I got the current job and moved . . . .and the list goes on. I think you see the pattern.

Well may I have your attention please? I have went 7 (seven) whole days without a cigarette. I am sure good things are happening in my body. I am sure eventually the cravings will leave. I am sure I will stop obsessing over how bad I want a cigarette. I am sure that when I smell a coat that I have smoked in it won't send me into a nicotine fit. I am absolutely sure this will all eventually happen.

In the meantime, stay away from me for your own good. I am a bitch on wheels.