Empty Office Shenanigans

I am the only person in my office today. No one else could be bothered to show up...something about flooding and 13 inches of rain overnight..blah blah blah. Whatever, I live 20 miles from work but I am here..slackers.

On a side note, while driving to work this morning my side of the freeways were eerily empty while the traffic going the other direction was bumper to bumper. I'm not complaining about the lack of traffic but it was like I was in one of those natural disaster action/adventure movies and I was driving into the disaster while everyone else was evacuating. I was seriously wondering if they knew something I didn't.

So I have spent the first hour and a half of work catching up on my blog reader, surfing the internet and in general screwing off. I am now blogging for your enjoyment but in the back of my mind I am thinking about what I am going to do with the completely empty office. I thought about going through all my coworkers' desks. I thought about turning up my radio and re-enacting scenes from Footloose in the hallway. I am disappointed that I took my movies out of my computer bag and took them home yesterday. I could be watching a movie! I even thought about calling up the monikerless man and satisfying a sex at work fantasy. I guess if all else fails I could actually *gasp* do some work.

I am hoping you all can come up with some other activities to do in my empty office to keep me from actually working. Any ideas?

Just because

I thought it was awesome. Do I need any other excuse?

Not Guility (I swear, I didn't know I was doing it)

I spend a lot of time on the phone with people I will never see face-to-face. I sometimes talk to the same people over and over again. I enjoy talking to some of these people a lot because they are funny. They don't take themselves so seriously. They appreciate that I am working my ass off to get their lease/tax/legal issue resolved.
I spent a lot of time in the last couple of months working out a lease for a single office for one of the satellite folks. He was very fun and started calling quite often. He also started calling my crackberry. I didn't really think much about it. He always had a legitimate work reason to call. Just chalked it up to a nice, funny guy.
Today he showed up in my office. (Apparently in town for some meetings) And then asked me out. AWKWARD! Apparently I had been flirting with him? How do I know this you ask? He told me that when I hesitated to accept his invitation...ie "well we'd be flirting so much back and forth on the phone I thought you'd like to go out"

As an attorney I do not believe I can be culpable as I didn't form the requisite mental state for flirting. There was no intention of flirting. So, arguably, the actus reus is present but the mens rea is absent so I cannot be guilty!

Ah sleep

Mystery of life that I am still trying to solve....

Why is it the best 10 minutes of sleep I get all night are the ones after the alarm has went off and I have hit snooze? Why can't I sleep like that the other 6 hours I am horizontal? Why does my body chose 6:30 and an annoying buzzing sound to decide it's finally ready to get into the rhythm?

And most important, why does this happen on days I have early morning meetings?????

and yet one more reason I'm going to hell

Hi all,
I haven't died or been seriously injured or kidnapped by a transvestite Johnny Depp. Instead, I've just been really frickin' busy. So this will not be a long post, or even an interesting post, just a quick rant.

I have been getting e-mails from my co-workers about their upcoming schedules. Keep in mind that I have been working so hard and so long that I haven't been able to blog. I even (gasp) worked Saturday. (Hey I'm salaried, I am not getting compensated for that.) Just to give you an idea of the e-mails.....
Upcoming schedule:
Thursday April 09 - 19/30
Friday April 10 - Holiday
Monday April 13 - Vacation
Tuesday April 14 - Vacation
Wednesday April 15-Vacation (maybe)

My assistant even declared her unavailability the 13-16th. Now that doesn't seem traitorous, but it is. the 15th is Tax Day, not just for federal income tax but for property tax in a good many states. I am in the midst of filing more than 1000 returns and my assistant takes next week off?!? Traitorous bitch....or maybe I'm the bitch and she doesn't want to be around me next week...food for thought.

Friday is a corporate holiday here. (I guess because we're all Christian and want to celebrate Good Friday instead of MLK day, WTF?) I'm pretty sure the fact that I resent Good Friday as a holiday and that I secretly envy (read seriously hate all co-workers who are taking vacation) my vacationing co-workers, I am going to hell. And guess where I will be Friday? In my office, by myself, cussing at the copy machine. Sometimes it sucks being me. Wait, isn't that the definition of Hell: Working for no money on a corporate holiday by yourself?
On the bright side, one of my co-workers made me smile with the following email:

Since everyone else is sending out a schedule I figured I should do so too. I am going to be here all week.

I feel ya Jim. We'll get beers and make fun of all those losers on vacation. It'll be fine, as soon as I'm done crying.