Thursday, March 5, 2009

Funny Statements, Confessions and other randomness

Coworker bursts into my office: "I swear no one listens. I've been dating this girl for 6 months and we got into a huge fight last night. Huge. She was a total irate bitch. And then you know what she does today, do you? She sends me COOKIES. COOKIES!?! I don't eat that shit. You know I don't eat that kinda crap. Has she not be listening to me the entire time?"

ME to the 6 people I am in the middle of a conference call with: "Anybody got any advice for him? I keep telling him to dump her but now she's sent cookies. Maybe she's a keeper after all?"

Coworker: some sort of strangled goose noise. "Sorry" and leaves my office.

Yay speakerphones!

So I am fairly certain I have a defect somewhere. I had a crappy day and called (I need to come up with a moniker for this person) who'd also had a crappy day. He came over and in general was the perfect person. He got me to laugh, soaped, coddled and cuddled me. It was great. Loved every second. He even suffered through me watching KU lose to Texas Tech (which is a touchy subject w/ me). In all, he was the best sport ever. So bedtime, and this is where the defect comes in. Ladies, are you ever flabbergasted at the speed in which the male species can fall asleep? It never ceases to amaze me! So rather than be content that I am still being cuddled and that I'm warm and fuzzy, guess what I do? Do I smile at his ability to drop off in three seconds? Am I infinitely understanding because he has just spent the evening being so sweet to me? Am I a beautiful goddess who sighs and drapes her silk clad body over his? (Pphht, I can't even say that w/ a straight face).

No, of course I don't do any of those things. Instead, right as he is starting to sleep deeply (i.e. snore), I poke him in the ribs to wake him up. And when he wakes up I pretend I'm asleep. And I don't do this once, not twice, but three times. It provided great entertainment for me but I think some crappy sleep for him.

Lisa recently asked me for more words to use for poop. Normally I can't say that anything would come to mind but I heard one on the radio the other day that I thought was funny. Especially since I missed the first part of the story. So, apparently Tootsie Roll is an euphemism for poop. I didn't know. But there ya have it Lisa. Tootsie roll. Now I'm not sure I would use this one w/ little ones because I can see this being a cause for some rather disturbing misunderstandings. However, I will keep a lookout for other terms for you while I traipse along.


  1. I have the same problem as your S.O., I fall asleep pretty much as soon as my head hits the pillow. My hubby, who often has insomnia, finds this unbearably irritating and will talk, move around and generally do everything he can to wake me. Occasionally, he'll engage me in whole conversations that I don't remember the next day, so I just have to take his word for it.

  2. I usually fall asleep really easily. But since I sleep alone, who cares?

  3. RRE - love the post! Ha! Yay speakerphones, indeed. As for the sleeping...too funny how you poke him awake and pretend to be asleep. That's awesome.

    Lisa, the only things I remember from poopy diaper days were phrases exactly like that: "stinky diaper", or "total diaper blowout"...I don't remember needing to find alternate terms for poop itself, because by the time you got to the inside of the diaper, to where you were dealing with its contents, then obviously you were dealing with poop, and the focus was on consistency and odor. At which point, the conversation turned more on adjectives like "honey-mustardy" or "grey-poupon-ish" or "sticky and tar-like"...gee, aren't you glad I chose to address this question?