Wednesday, February 18, 2009

My head is a scary place to be....

Hmmm...I was thinking about dumping a load of insecurity here, but then I thought it might ruin the cocky, self-assured attitude I've built here, and then I thought well screw it, it's my blog.

I am not good at relationships. Well, that's not completely true. I am GREAT at being friends. Unfortunately, I am not so good at anything else. Living in my head with my own voices and those from the past who will remain nameless is not always a good place to be.
For those of you who know me, you know the stories; for others: I was describing my past to a recent friend and she's like, "That's some heavy baggage to carry." I said, "I don't really carry it around anymore as much as it's in storage and every once in a while I drop by for a visit." Buh-lieve me when I say, this is progress.
I had a wonderful time tonight w/ my girlfriends but was supposed to be greeted by the other person in my new relationship when we were done w/ dinner. Call--there is no answer, text and no response. Now in all likelihood, this person is probably asleep on the couch or whatever having worked like a dog already this week. However, it's my B-day and feel like if nothing else there should have been a msg saying something to the effect of I'm tired and going to bed. I got a msg on my way to dinner saying have a good time but no response after. While I'm sure it is something that isn't a big deal, being in my head is a scary place. As a matter of fact, it is this type of thing that 6 months ago, regardless of the reason/apology/etc I would have quit taking calls, deleted the phone number and in general cut this person from my life. A year ago or more, there wouldn't have been a question of this happening b/c I wouldn't have given my number to someone. A bit reactionary, I know.
Now, I'm not sure what the appropriate response should be. I don't want to overreact but also am not gonna take BS sitting down. Sheesh, I am pathetic. And to think, I am a grown woman. I sound like a blithering idiotic teen.

Shit! This is why I don't date!!!! I don't even like people this much.

Anyway, I ended up having a happy evening with my friends even if it didn't end w/ a happy ending. :)
Gotta love the friends!


So, I was overreacting. Go figure! As I suspected, he had fallen asleep and considering that he was been sick since that night I really can't be too upset. I can, however, blame him for getting me sick :P


  1. Honestly, we've all got baggage, and I carry mine everywhere. I've got some to go with every outfit.

    Thing is, maybe you're just NOT ready. You'll know when you are.

    You don't sound like an idiotic teen. You sound like...a woman. ;)

  2. It's hard to be rational when it comes to relationships..

  3. I guess my question would be, was the person rude, or just forgetful? Was a sweet apology forthcoming, or no acknowledgment that it was your birthday at all? And BTW, happy belated birthday!!! :)

  4. Yeah, happy birthday! And you know what? You are allowed to feel hurt in this instance. It would bother me, too. I would give the person a chance say what I know I would say if I were the one who had fallen asleep and not done the follow-up meetup with you ON YOUR BIRTHDAY, which is: I would apologize. I would feel kinda crappy about letting you down on your birthday, even if I had a really good excuse. Anyway, I'd give the person the chance to say what they really oughta say, and if they do, well, good. But also be clear about how it made you feel. And first things last: it's your blog dammit, if you limit yourself to just the fun sparkly smartass posts, you're going to post less often, and you'll feel less comfortable in your own space. I'm partly talking to myself here. I say, switch it up. Make it work for you. Your readers will still be there for ya. That's what I say, dammit! So, let it all out like you did here and thanks for this post.