Sunday, February 1, 2009

A swift kick in the . . .

So, I had two separate but equally revealing moments that really made me more self-aware. I feel like a train blindsided me TWICE!

First, I realized I have become one of those self-engrossed, overly plugged in, overly self-important people that I used to make fun of. There is no possible way that you are so important or popular that you need two phones, or that you cannot turn your damn phone off at dinner. Yes, I admit I used to make fun of those pompous assholes. This past week, I realized I WAS one of those assholes. You could have knocked me over with a feather.

This self-realization came about at an Applebee's bar (What a place to have an epiphany, right?) I was traveling for work and didn't have business entertainment that night so I was on my own for dinner. There was a basketball game on that I wanted to see and I desperately needed a drink, preferably a large bourbon, which by the way, they don't have. I think I have forgot to mention in here somewhere that I am in the process of quitting smoking and a little testy. As I have mentioned before, I have both a Blackberry and cellphone. They are two different numbers. I am sitting at the bar, talking to my sis on the phone while sending e-mails on the Crackberry. My Crackberry rings, I put my sister, on the other phone, on hold and take the call on the Crackberry. Both numbers have calls coming in on call waiting. The bartender keeps looking at me like I'm nuts and rude (which is probably true seeing as how I haven't ordered yet). And BOOM it hits me, I am a pompous asshole. When did this happen and how do I make it stop? Okay, maybe for those people that know me, this isn't new information? I don't know but I sure was shocked as hell!

SECOND, I am apparently in a relationship. WTF?????? When did this happen? How did this happen? Who said this was allowed? Why wasn't I consulted? This was NOT in my Crackberry Calendar, I know it wasn't. No reminder popped up telling me I had a relationship in 15 min and did I want to snooze or dismiss or close? For those of you that know me, you know that I am officially in freak-out mode. Also, I find it a bit perturbing that most of my friends in my current state of residence are so surprised to find that someone is hanging around. Am I really so picky that it is beyond belief that this would happen? Ok don't answer that. Please, don't, I'm begging you. So that was the other moment of self-awareness.

Now the important question, since I'm now aware, does that mean I have to get this person a Valentine's Day gift? (Please say NO!!!!!!)


  1. Yes, you must purchase said Valentine a Valentine. It is a rule. The Hallmark Cupid Gods will strike you down if you don't play into their marketing frenzy. Now, go stare blindly at all the cards and random items (what does a hairy gorilla holding a heart have to do with love?) in the lovey dovey aisle at your nearest Big Box store..and just give in. It's not that hard, I swear.

  2. Oh, and as for the pompous asshole thing - we got that served up to us with our diplomas and said Crackberry. I think it will take a couple of years to get over ourselves..but until I have my loans paid down to like $75k..then I'll just accept the asshole thing and try not to be rude about it. I don't like being an asshole..I just know a partner will most likely be on the other side of said call while I'm sitting at the Applebee's bar...and if I don't answer..then I might as well ask for a job application while I'm there. Next time, give the person staring, the "God, I'm sooo sorry, " look and they'll understand. I mean..there has to be someone nagging the hell out of them in their life, too.